If a spouse has fallen out of love, the signs are often obvious, but there are many reasons they don’t see them, according to marriage counselor Kurt Smith. The main reason is because they don’t want to see the signs. It’s painful for a woman to say “my husband does not love me anymore.”
Smith warned that demonstrations of affection and loving words on dates such as birthdays, wedding anniversaries, Valentine’s Day or Christmas, are not usually reliable sources for demonstrations of love. On those dates, there is social pressure to display affection so they may not always be true. True love is expressed in everyday actions when there is no commemorative pressure.
He points out the five signs that show a husband no longer loves his wife (these points can show if a wife doesn’t love her husband as well).
1. Holidays and nothing else
If your husband doesn’t give you gifts on holidays and anniversaries or even remember them, that would be a sure sign he has lost interest. But what if he gives cards and gifts expressing their love on holidays and anniversaries and nothing else? What does that mean? It might not mean anything, but it may mean he’s fallen out of love.
2. His behavior is fickle
Imagine that one day he’s angry saying he doesn’t want to see you, that he wishes you would vanish from his life and the next day he’s embracing you, wanting to make love. Does this mean that what he said before wasn’t true? If he doesn’t suffer from bipolar disorder, this behavior should alert you to the fact that he may not be in love with you anymore.
3. It’s always you
You are always the cause of all problems. When you try to talk, he says you see problems that aren’t there. When you complain that it seems that he does not love you anymore, he turns it into your fault. This is usually a sure sign that he is looking for reasons to get out of the relationship.
4. He doesn’t like you
He doesn’t praise you, or notice anything you make. He criticizes your personality, your clothes, body, hair, what you eat or your work. In short, to him you are never good enough and don’t do anything right. Even when you do something great, he reminds you what you did wrong. He doesn’t encourage you to grow.
If you look back on your relationship and realize this is a pattern that happens repeatedly, this should be addressed.
5. He doesn’t work at the relationship
You ask him to change an annoying behavior and he continues to do it. You ask over and over again, and he pretends not to hear. You ask him something and he doesn’t respond. It’s always you who gives, who sacrifices herself for the relationship. You feel sick and tired, and he seems not to care. This could be the most obvious sign of a lack of love.
When we love someone it is difficult to see their mistakes, and we can fall into the trap of justifying everything they do rather than facing reality. It is very common for a woman to see this behavior in another woman’s husband instead of seeing it in her own.
Signs of true love appear on a daily basis. You know your husband loves you if he makes you a priority, takes care of you, and encourages you.
When he doesn’t do these things, the love could be gone. It is up to you — however painful it may be — to accept it, take care of yourself and decide what you will do after that.