We’all know S*x is always fabulous, especially if you’re doing it with someone you love (like your spouse). But there are times when it’s just plain disastrous.
And women being the considerate, “ego-boosters” they are, they would rather lie than admit that their partner’s bedroom aerobics didn’t quite hit the mark.
Here are 8 lies every woman tells after s*x, and what they are actually thinking when they say these things See them as you continue…
1. She says: “That was the best!”
The truth: And sometimes it is. But most of the time it was just OK or pretty good, but I’m really happy you seemed to be having such a cool time! I, on the other hand, have compiled this list of notes I took while I was waiting for it to be over, if you’d like to see them for future reference.
2. She says: “Oh yes, I totally had an O**asm!”
The truth: While I will always advise against lying about this, mostly because I’m a big supporter of a girl’s right to be able to tell the guy, “That did not work! Do it again!” sometimes I have lied. Why? Because I knew it would never get good, because I wanted you to leave, because I’m tired, because I don’t care to explain why it was bad. And sometimes I just want the person to leave so I can eat pizza.
3. She says: “Of course things won’t be weird now.”
The truth: “No, this hasn’t done irreparable damage to our friendship! No, I’m not gonna be super weird around you every time I see you in class/at work/doing yoga three rows in front of me. Why would you think that? Because it’s true? Yeah, that’s a good reason.”
4. She says: “Really? I didn’t even notice a scar.”
The truth: “You have an odd physical deformity in the shape of a very small pineapple and it’s the color of my old Honda Accord? No, I didn’t even see that, what with all the passion happ**ing!”
5. She says: “That thing you said during s*x wasn’t weird at all.”
The truth: This is most often communicated by lying silently in bed so he thinks that everything is A-OK, as the words “Give it to me, daddy” run through my head because he said them, not me.
6. She says: “Oh no, I wasn’t embarrassed.”
The truth: “I am not at all mortified by the weird sound my body made/the weird sound your body made. Hey, do I look like the type of person who gets easily freaked out by weird sounds and has to go to the bathroom for a while because uh, I just do and also because I need to breathe into a paper bag and text everyone I know because seriously, what was that sound??”
7. She says: “That’s so crazy. I had no idea I had my period.”
The truth: Oh, I knew. I knew.
8. She says: “Yeah, I’d love to have s*x again immediately!”
The truth: “Honestly it hasn’t even occurred to me that the new season of New Girl just started and I have a few episodes to catch up on and my whole body feels weird and also there is cake in my fridge. More s*x is all I am thinking of!”